Chain Letter Type 1: (scroll down)
Make a wish!!! Really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please.... they'll never go out with you!!! Wish something else!!!
Not that, you moron!!! Something else! Quick!!! Is your finger getting tired yet?
STOP!!!!
Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be attacked by a mad goat and then thrown off a high building into a pile of garbage. It's true! Because, you know, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be mad at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be mad at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*5-10 people: 5-10 people will be mad at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*10-20 people: 10-20 people will be mad at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
*20 to 674,951 people: 20 to 674,951 people will be angry at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and will burn your house down and release mad goats on your property. Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent and this is all fake. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds.
Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die a mad-goat-and-pile-of-rubbish related death instantly. Thanks again!!
Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it works. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:
Stupid Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of sewerage, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died, and was eaten by mad goats who dumped her remains in a pile of garbage. This Could Happen To You!!!
Stupid Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his girlfriend. They both died. Their families were so upset that everyone related to them (even by marriage) went crazy and spent the rest of their miserable lives in an institution being attacked by goats. This Could Happen To You!!!
Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be OK.
Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends.
Friends
-A friend is someone who is always at your side,
-A friend is someone who likes you even though you have body odor,
-A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly ugly,
-A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your loser life,
-A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be attacked by a mad goat and then thrown in a pile of garbage,
-A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English, no sorry- that's the cleaning lady,
-A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true. Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll be eaten by wild goats.
Chain Letter Type 5:
This e-mail is wicked-cool! It was started by Microsoft to test its e-mail tracking system because, you know, a big high-tech company like Microsoft always sends important new software out over the internet to be available to any moron who can operate a computer, right? Plus, they have formed a secret merger with Disney Corp., who has agreed to give up millions of pounds in revenue by giving everyone who reads this e-mail, passes it on, looks at it, knows someone that looked at it, or is related to someone who is a friend of someone who looks at it A FREE, ALL-EXPENSES-PAID TRIP to Disneyland, DisneyWorld, or EuroDisney! So pass this on to everyone you know that is gullible enough to believe this (or not)!
Even if it's not true, hey- insulting all of your friends by implying that they are gullible by sending this to them is worth the improbable chance that you could go to Disneyland! Even if you lose all of your friends because they are tired of receiving this kind of junk from you, it's worth the chance, right? And just for good measure, if you don't send this on, Microsoft will send its specially trained attack-goats to attack your house and eat all of your family, SO SEND IT ON!!!!!
Chain Letter Type 6:
VIRUS WARNING!!! If you receive an email entitled Bad times,delete it immediately. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, messes up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.
It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles. It mixes antifreeze into your aquarium and puts dirty socks on the table when company is coming over. It uses your credit cards, forges your signature, and dates your boy/girlfriend. It will program your phone AutoDial to call only your mother-in-law's number. So be careful! Forward this to all of your friends, relatives, neighbors, family, enemies, plumbers, garbage men, stock brokers, doctors, and any other acquaintances! It's for their own good! Thank you.
Chain Letter Type 7:
Here is a cute picture I drew.
( /) ( / ) ( / )
( /<> ) ( / / )
() / __ ( ) ( )
It is a decapitated angel. Send it on to all of your friends so it will brighten their day like it did yours! If you don't, demon-possessed mad goats will move into your house and eat all of your socks, leading you to believe that something is wrong with your washing machine because all of your socks keep disappearing. Have a nice day!!!
Chain Letter Type 8:
This is the funniest thing in the world! In exactly 87 seconds, you have to send this to 275 people, then if you press (space bar + tab + backspace + page up) a clip will pop up on your screen of a mad goat attacking Bill Gates and putting him into a pile of garbage! I couldn't stop laughing, even though since I'm typing this I obviously couldn't have seen it yet, and there is absolutely no way to attach a clip in a way that you have to send the email before you see the clip, it's still true! And you know what else is true? I am Ratman, Batman's alter ego! And if you stay online doing absolutely nothing for one hour after sending this, I'll email you a gift certificate for five million pounds to spend at Tescos! Just forget the fact that I have no way of finding the email addresses of people who send this out, and the fact that stores will recognize a fake gift certificate. Just send this out, you'll be glad you did!
Wasn't that a fun little anthology? Now, if you don't send this to anyone, guess what'll happen to you: NOTHING! But if you do decide to send this to some people, you might feel special for helping people to see the light and realize that chain letters aren't magical, they're just obnoxious. Maybe someday we can make all chainletters die the horrible death that some of them threaten us with. Now that a bunch of religious chainletters are appearing, i'm just waiting for one that says that if you don't send this on, God will make lightening strike you, or angels will get sad and cry torrents of rain on your un-raincoated, un-umbrellaed head. So if you get something that's funny and cool (like this);copy it and pass it on, but if it turns out to be a threat or a guilt trip, just do the world a favor and delete it.
STOP THE SPAM!!! feedback appreciated :-)
Monday 28 May 2007
dora the (illegal) explorer!
People suggested I make it funny as well, so here goes......
On a trip today, my sister was watching Dora the Explorer, and to be nice, I sat down and watched it with her, and frankly, I'm not impressed. I have also drawn afew conclusions, and I think the world should know that she is an illegal immigrant and corrupting our kids. Here's the evidence.
1) She speaks spanish... she speaks spanish perfectly... what is she like...5? Her little purple rucksack even speaks spanish perfectly! WTF?!?!?!?
2) That backpack of hers has EVERYTHING under the sun in it! And we're talking everything! Life support, water/food, clothing for any weather, ropes, grappling hooks, shoes... i mean... COME ON!
3) She's carrying a bloody ZOO with her! She has a monkey, a band of insects, a bajillion other animals! Really! What kind of legal immigrant has that many pets!?
4)She often tries to cross the "crocodile lake" (i think?), and asks people to help her cross, a baltant reference to Mexicans trying to cross the Rio Grande canal.... :-)
5) She's always on an "adventure" to transport a "package" to some destination and is always being stalked by a person trying to take that package... I mean... really, Swiper is so obviously some sort of border patrol person trying to collect evidence of Dora's entire narcotics trafficking business. They are educating our children about drug smuggling. WTF?!?!?!?!?!?
The evidence is so obvious and around you guys! And they're even poisoning our little children with them... Who wants our toddlers to grow up speaking spanish before english?! Even if it mainly just airs the USA...
Boycott Dora the Explorer, Nickelodeon, and the United States while we're at it!!!
*my apologies all! ;-) *
*note; borrowed theme*
On a trip today, my sister was watching Dora the Explorer, and to be nice, I sat down and watched it with her, and frankly, I'm not impressed. I have also drawn afew conclusions, and I think the world should know that she is an illegal immigrant and corrupting our kids. Here's the evidence.
1) She speaks spanish... she speaks spanish perfectly... what is she like...5? Her little purple rucksack even speaks spanish perfectly! WTF?!?!?!?
2) That backpack of hers has EVERYTHING under the sun in it! And we're talking everything! Life support, water/food, clothing for any weather, ropes, grappling hooks, shoes... i mean... COME ON!
3) She's carrying a bloody ZOO with her! She has a monkey, a band of insects, a bajillion other animals! Really! What kind of legal immigrant has that many pets!?
4)She often tries to cross the "crocodile lake" (i think?), and asks people to help her cross, a baltant reference to Mexicans trying to cross the Rio Grande canal.... :-)
5) She's always on an "adventure" to transport a "package" to some destination and is always being stalked by a person trying to take that package... I mean... really, Swiper is so obviously some sort of border patrol person trying to collect evidence of Dora's entire narcotics trafficking business. They are educating our children about drug smuggling. WTF?!?!?!?!?!?
The evidence is so obvious and around you guys! And they're even poisoning our little children with them... Who wants our toddlers to grow up speaking spanish before english?! Even if it mainly just airs the USA...
Boycott Dora the Explorer, Nickelodeon, and the United States while we're at it!!!
*my apologies all! ;-) *
*note; borrowed theme*
Sunday 27 May 2007
growing up in a jewish community....
there are various problems in the communtiy in which i live, let alone the jewish commuinty at large. they can be put into points, each of which can be addressed on their own.
1). girls/social groups
2). politics
3). schools
1). start with what youd assume most teenage boys obsess with, girls. the taboo surrounding this matter is absurd! there are afew trains of thought, each maintained by the different social groups there are where i live. the most extreme is that contact with girls is forbidden, internet and mobile phones are morally corrupting etc. this alone is a huge problem, my view on the matter is that children subjucated to this ideology can be afected in two ways. the "ideal" way, whereby the boy doesnt speak to girls until marrigeable age, cannot speak to girls, does not know what to say to a girl when put on the spot etc. this is not what i would want for my children, but whatever. but a very negative aspect of this policy, which is why i am against this ideology, is as follows: to put it simply, the harder you pull one way, the harder the child will pull the other way. there are, unfortunately, many instances where boys (and girls) have been educated on the as "straight and narrow" as you get, but when they leave school and experience the outside world, they dont fall from judaism. they plummet.
there is a more moderate view, to which i am a subscriber of, that talking to girls is fine, its nothing terrible ill burn in hell for, lose sleep over or whatnot. repression is bad, the repressed people are social outcasts because of their upbringing, talking to girls teaches invaluable social skills for later life.
the opposite extreme is not widely accepted, going out with girls is fine, with ALOT of physical stuff happening and noonce is particularly bothered.
i was originally brought up on the first train of thought, and i despised it. the world i live in is not enclosed with all men, its not about being all boys. to be honest i cant find the words to describe why i didnt like it, but something felt wrong, if thats the right way to put it. i wanted to be like the people on tv, going out, having a great time and what follows from that, but i then sat back and thought about what i was doing, and i decided i wanted that for entirely the wrong reasons.
so i am a believer in the moderate view, that talking to girls is fine, and now that i do talk to girls, i can say two things, both of which are applicable to probably every jewish teenager alive.
1). i talk to girls. and not for a second do i think of having anything physical with them, i now realise that they too are human beings with feelings just like myself. i was not brought up like that. i was taught that women are nothing important, nothing special, but i now realise they are.
they are our wives, mothers, daughters, and most importantly, our friends.
2). before i started talking to girls, i was always insecure and shy. i am overweight, not sporty, academic, and, if i may say, intellectual. i didnt think anyone liked someone like that, and i was depressed, and the thought of "ending it all" didnt cross my mind just once. but now i realise people appreciate me for who i am, people do like me. i think the day i started talking to girls was one of the best days of my life (so far!), my life changed directions radically, i had self esteem, started doing well in every aspect of my life (not sports though :-( ) and my life is all the better for it.
in an all male enviroment, the sporty people rule the enviroment, the academics and intelectuals are trodden on. it is these people we lose when they are exposed to the outside world, because they see that the latter two trains of thought are by fay more appealing, and they can do well, but they are not in the jewish community any more, they are outside, and thus, lost.
this is to some extent how i feel. i wonder how this will go down.
more coming!
1). girls/social groups
2). politics
3). schools
1). start with what youd assume most teenage boys obsess with, girls. the taboo surrounding this matter is absurd! there are afew trains of thought, each maintained by the different social groups there are where i live. the most extreme is that contact with girls is forbidden, internet and mobile phones are morally corrupting etc. this alone is a huge problem, my view on the matter is that children subjucated to this ideology can be afected in two ways. the "ideal" way, whereby the boy doesnt speak to girls until marrigeable age, cannot speak to girls, does not know what to say to a girl when put on the spot etc. this is not what i would want for my children, but whatever. but a very negative aspect of this policy, which is why i am against this ideology, is as follows: to put it simply, the harder you pull one way, the harder the child will pull the other way. there are, unfortunately, many instances where boys (and girls) have been educated on the as "straight and narrow" as you get, but when they leave school and experience the outside world, they dont fall from judaism. they plummet.
there is a more moderate view, to which i am a subscriber of, that talking to girls is fine, its nothing terrible ill burn in hell for, lose sleep over or whatnot. repression is bad, the repressed people are social outcasts because of their upbringing, talking to girls teaches invaluable social skills for later life.
the opposite extreme is not widely accepted, going out with girls is fine, with ALOT of physical stuff happening and noonce is particularly bothered.
i was originally brought up on the first train of thought, and i despised it. the world i live in is not enclosed with all men, its not about being all boys. to be honest i cant find the words to describe why i didnt like it, but something felt wrong, if thats the right way to put it. i wanted to be like the people on tv, going out, having a great time and what follows from that, but i then sat back and thought about what i was doing, and i decided i wanted that for entirely the wrong reasons.
so i am a believer in the moderate view, that talking to girls is fine, and now that i do talk to girls, i can say two things, both of which are applicable to probably every jewish teenager alive.
1). i talk to girls. and not for a second do i think of having anything physical with them, i now realise that they too are human beings with feelings just like myself. i was not brought up like that. i was taught that women are nothing important, nothing special, but i now realise they are.
they are our wives, mothers, daughters, and most importantly, our friends.
2). before i started talking to girls, i was always insecure and shy. i am overweight, not sporty, academic, and, if i may say, intellectual. i didnt think anyone liked someone like that, and i was depressed, and the thought of "ending it all" didnt cross my mind just once. but now i realise people appreciate me for who i am, people do like me. i think the day i started talking to girls was one of the best days of my life (so far!), my life changed directions radically, i had self esteem, started doing well in every aspect of my life (not sports though :-( ) and my life is all the better for it.
in an all male enviroment, the sporty people rule the enviroment, the academics and intelectuals are trodden on. it is these people we lose when they are exposed to the outside world, because they see that the latter two trains of thought are by fay more appealing, and they can do well, but they are not in the jewish community any more, they are outside, and thus, lost.
this is to some extent how i feel. i wonder how this will go down.
more coming!
trial...
a friend suggested i write a blog, so i am..... but what to write about? an incorporation of many themes, we'll see...
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