growing up in a jewish community....

there are various problems in the communtiy in which i live, let alone the jewish commuinty at large. they can be put into points, each of which can be addressed on their own.

1). girls/social groups
2). politics
3). schools

1). start with what youd assume most teenage boys obsess with, girls. the taboo surrounding this matter is absurd! there are afew trains of thought, each maintained by the different social groups there are where i live. the most extreme is that contact with girls is forbidden, internet and mobile phones are morally corrupting etc. this alone is a huge problem, my view on the matter is that children subjucated to this ideology can be afected in two ways. the "ideal" way, whereby the boy doesnt speak to girls until marrigeable age, cannot speak to girls, does not know what to say to a girl when put on the spot etc. this is not what i would want for my children, but whatever. but a very negative aspect of this policy, which is why i am against this ideology, is as follows: to put it simply, the harder you pull one way, the harder the child will pull the other way. there are, unfortunately, many instances where boys (and girls) have been educated on the as "straight and narrow" as you get, but when they leave school and experience the outside world, they dont fall from judaism. they plummet.

there is a more moderate view, to which i am a subscriber of, that talking to girls is fine, its nothing terrible ill burn in hell for, lose sleep over or whatnot. repression is bad, the repressed people are social outcasts because of their upbringing, talking to girls teaches invaluable social skills for later life.

the opposite extreme is not widely accepted, going out with girls is fine, with ALOT of physical stuff happening and noonce is particularly bothered.

i was originally brought up on the first train of thought, and i despised it. the world i live in is not enclosed with all men, its not about being all boys. to be honest i cant find the words to describe why i didnt like it, but something felt wrong, if thats the right way to put it. i wanted to be like the people on tv, going out, having a great time and what follows from that, but i then sat back and thought about what i was doing, and i decided i wanted that for entirely the wrong reasons.

so i am a believer in the moderate view, that talking to girls is fine, and now that i do talk to girls, i can say two things, both of which are applicable to probably every jewish teenager alive.

1). i talk to girls. and not for a second do i think of having anything physical with them, i now realise that they too are human beings with feelings just like myself. i was not brought up like that. i was taught that women are nothing important, nothing special, but i now realise they are.
they are our wives, mothers, daughters, and most importantly, our friends.
2). before i started talking to girls, i was always insecure and shy. i am overweight, not sporty, academic, and, if i may say, intellectual. i didnt think anyone liked someone like that, and i was depressed, and the thought of "ending it all" didnt cross my mind just once. but now i realise people appreciate me for who i am, people do like me. i think the day i started talking to girls was one of the best days of my life (so far!), my life changed directions radically, i had self esteem, started doing well in every aspect of my life (not sports though :-( ) and my life is all the better for it.

in an all male enviroment, the sporty people rule the enviroment, the academics and intelectuals are trodden on. it is these people we lose when they are exposed to the outside world, because they see that the latter two trains of thought are by fay more appealing, and they can do well, but they are not in the jewish community any more, they are outside, and thus, lost.

this is to some extent how i feel. i wonder how this will go down.

more coming!